I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
