Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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