R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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