what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
