hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
