I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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