Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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