wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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