i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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