Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
MIDGETS
????
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
