I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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