Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
