I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
