If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
