White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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