just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
