so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
