Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
