Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
