i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
