I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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