So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
