yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
