Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
