I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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