apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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