3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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