I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
even my farts smell like vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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