so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
