I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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