We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
