any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
