Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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