The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
