What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My bed smells like the plague
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
