she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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