he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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