i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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