these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
