Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
