i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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