Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
