so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
