capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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