My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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