why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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