they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
