She is in my trunk
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
