dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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