we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
