it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
