Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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