So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My life is pants optional.
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