i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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