im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
jump out the window naked night went bad
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