took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
